STORIES
36 - Can We Keep Him?
2005
Monday afternoon ...
FIN:
… Then Karanthir opened the door and there he was.
DAPRIMA:
A baby at the doorstep, it’s like something out of
a nursery rhyme.
BRYNIE:
Am I holding him right?
CAMMEO:
You're doing just fine.
BRYNIE:
Look Li's holding my finger. Hey Fin, can we keep him?
KARANTHIR:
He’s not some stray dog that followed us home you imbecile.
He must belong to someone, somewhere.
FIN:
A-m doesn’t know anything about him. She’s as surprised as we are.
BRYNIE:
He’s here now and I don’t see anyone wanting him
back. Heck, we let Es stay. I say we throw her out
and keep him instead.
KARANTHIR:
Listen you little monster, Es isn't going anywhere. She's livened
up this place considerably, unlike you - who's only purpose
seems to be irritating me.
FIN:
Come on you two, knock it off. Must we go through this again?
Now be quiet before you scare the baby.
DAPRIMA:
Speaking of which, it's my turn, hand him over Brynie.
BRYNIE:
Sorry Fin. It's just ... Es is evil. You can't even have a normal
conversation with her. And what does Karanthir know anyway
- all they ever do is suck face, it's disgusting.
CAMMEO:
I think I ought to check on supper. Excuse me.
FIN:
Brynie, where do you pick up these phrases?
You certainly don't hear stuff like that from me.
BRYNIE:
What'd I say?
KARANTHIR:
Listen squirt, Es and I are well aware of your spying.
If you continue to announce our activities to the world
then Fin may need to wash your mouth out with soap - and I’ll be the one handing it to him. Now get out of that chair!
FIN:
Enough! Can't you two be civil for five minutes?
Come here Brynie, you can sit next to me
DAPRIMA:
Aw, he wants to stand. He's so cute with
those big eyes and blond curls.
BRYNIE:
Didn’t Karanthir have eyes like that when he was little?
FIN:
As a matter of fact he did, and curly blond hair too.
KARANTHIR:
You’re not going to start that again, are you?
Take a good look all of you, my eyes are green!
DAPRIMA:
What this all about?
KARANTHIR:
Fin has accused me of fathering that child. Really, as if one of my
previous love interests would track me down, after all this time,
and surprise me with ... that. It's such a preposterous story.
There's no way it could possibly be true.
BRYNIE:
Don't be so sure. Look at him Karanthir. If you open your eyes,
real wide and take away those nasty fangs - he’s a mini-you!
DAPRIMA:
I do see a slight resemblance. Karanthir, why don't you hold him
so we can see how he reacts to you?
KARANTHIR:
I most certainly will not! Just because he landed at our door
doesn’t mean he belongs me. And why me? Why not Fin or Vanni or even your precious brother – no wait, couldn’t be Mez, he’s still a …
FIN:
Karanthir!
BRYNIE:
You’re wrong Karanthir, Vanni and Mez are both human
and Li's clearly one of us. Just look at those fabulous ears,
the pride of the Elves.
FIN:
Brynie, I think you’d better go so we can discuss this …
BRYNIE:
Why? I know all about how babies are made
Fin. How stupid do you think I am?
KARANTHIR:
Just what do you have to say about that, Fin?
FIN:
He's getting his information from you, no doubt.
KARANTHIR:
Me again. I speak to the little monster as infrequently as possible.
And by the way Fin - what makes you so sure that Li isn’t yours?
DAPRIMA:
Excuse me?
KARANTHIR:
No really Daprima, everyone’s so quick to glance in my direction. Let me remind you, that I was without a body for the better part of a year.
Yet apparently, I'm still able to perform such a miracle. So if you're
looking for the pointed-eared father - why not look to your right?
DAPRIMA:
But this is so much more fun. How about we do the math?
Let’s assume he was born around April, that
would mean he was conceived in …
FIN:
... July and Karanthir wasn’t cursed by the witch
until the following spring. So it is possible that …
KARANTHIR:
Now wait just a second ...
CAMMEO:
Daprima, may I have the baby back, please.
His bath is all ready for him.
CAMMEO:
…You poor little lamb. Who would have thought such a
tiny baby would cause such a commotion. Well, we
don’t need to hear any of it, do we?
DAPRIMA:
... So unless you were celibate during that whole summer
- there’s a chance he could be yours.
CAMMEO
Oh dear, Brynie I think perhaps you’d
best come with me.
BRYNIE:
Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss this for the world.
FIN:
Cammeo's right. You've heard enough. Now go. And Brynie, we're going to have a little talk later, just the two of us.
CAMMEO
Brynie, I really could use your help with the baby.
BRYNIE:
Well in that case - I’ll be happy to help.
DAPRIMA:
You still haven't answered my question. Don’t you
have anything to say for yourself?
KARANTHIR:
Now I see where Grace gets it from …
DAPRIMA:
Actually, I’m just kidding. I know he’s not yours. Guess I hit a nerve
though? I mean, just how careful are you, really?
knock knock knock
DAPRIMA:
... Oh, the door, I'll get it. It'll give you two a chance to talk.
DAPRIMA:
… And Karanthir, in all the time I've known you, I’ve never seen you so flustered.
FIN:
We weren’t trying to gang up on you or anything ...
KARANTHIR:
No not you, dear brother. You don't need to attack when you
can sit back and watch your girlfriend crucify me.
FIN:
She really did hit a nerve.
KARANTHIR:
Don’t be ridiculous.
FIN:
Sorry, I didn't realize you could be so sensitive. I worry
about you because you're careless, sometimes. If you think
there's a possibility that you could find yourself in a similar
situation, then maybe you need to make a few changes.
KARANTHIR:
And I suppose the next piece of brotherly advice is for me
to sit in on your little talk with Brynie. Please, spare me.
DAPRIMA:
Hey guys, here's someone I think you should meet.
